Facing the android’s conundruum..

Last year, I fell in love.  Mayhaps, for the first stupid, glorious — yet seemingly pointless time. How does one meander through this material world and reach thirty-five years of age without falling backside over elbow in grown-up, big girl, love a dozen or so times?  I don’t know, but I did a stellar job of avoiding it.

How did it all end, pants? Did it turn out simply wonderful and are you all married and sprogged up?  Oh no. There are seemingly no happy endings in my little, messed up, crazy shook up world. One thing I have realised is: there are way too many sad, busted heart stories out there. Humans are often shitty at best to each other and to use the kids’ common vernacular: “it sucks”.

 

 

I suffer from Irregular Blog Syndrome.

Damn, I do neglect this thing. I neglect people as well, sadly. I’ve had a bit of time to think, reflect and reassess. Good times are a ‘coming and it’s all looking pretty fab!

pic pointlessly unrelated of course.

Life has been plodding along at an even pace. No mishaps, gross missteps, just same old, same old. It’s been nice. It’s odd how the weather perks up and suddenly everything has potential and possibility.  That’s how I feel. I may chant some rounds in the park this afternoon, swing on the swing-set and be grateful that my arse can still fit in the seat. Yeah! grateful for small mercies. Take that Oprah! I have gratitude in spades, baby!

Corey Haim died while I was in my work flooded cave, hiding from the world. Damn!  I still haven’t recovered from Billy Mays, last year. No, seriously, I had a crush on him when I was eleven for about three minutes.  Speaking of crushes, a particularly evil friend sent me a pic of my first truest love.  A good reminder that we’re not our bodies, because heck, they’re all going to the dogs..

Oh how the mighty fall.

Simon Le Bon in speedos. No, just no.  On that note, I shall crank up the engine on the rusty Dharma Van and hopefully post MOAR self-absorbed nonsense.

Chant Hare Krishna and Bring this ship into the shore — and throw away the oars, forever!

Tell me baby do you recognise me? Well it’s been a year, it doesn’t surprise me

I  haven’t in a federal witness protection programme despite both rumours and appearances. I could make up a great tale of felonies and being on the run from the fuzz. Sadly, it might be believed, so I shall nip that whole fictional concept in the bud.

End of year rolling around. Results are in. We shall see, it will either end up with pants consoling herself in a pile of cake or congregating herself in a pile of cake. That’s how she rolls. Veritably, so.

And so this is Christmas.  Here in the bible belt,  people get snippy about the “Xmas” thing.  Bumper stickers exhorting me left, right and centre to put “Christ back in Christmas” which is kinda sensible, it’s his big day in theory but golly, if one more Christian claims persecution over the letter “X”  I will roar with bestial vigour in the middle of town.  Just sayin’

Other than that I dig xmas. I can dig it because I try to not leave my hobbit hole during the whole season.  A few brief saunters to the shops maybe, the rest of my prezzies I make or get online.  I have a heaving vat of sparkly lights to throw up this afternoon.  Our version of a tree is a glittered cone.  It may or may not have been a traffic cone at one point. I’m not confessing to nothin’. *shifty eyes*

Apart from simultaneously busy and doing absolutely bugger all, I have no news. My devotional life sort of sucks.  I wish I chanted better. It sort of feels dry and chore like. I’m not too worried about it.  Actually I don’t care too much at all. It’s one of those cyclical things, good for a bit, sucky for a bit.  It comes around again eventually. Like karmic sands through the  hourglass, so too ..

Anyway, that’s about all I have. Yeah, I got nothing.

Now I know what a fool I’ve been ..but if you kissed me now I know you’d fool me again.

Chant Hare Krishna and sing Wham!

No, the clock’s broken. The hands keep whizzing round. It’s only really half past seven.

“Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.” This glorious piece of wisdom comes from Ferris Bueller.  He brought forth this nugget of goodness on his day off.  It resonates right now as things are just whizzing by at complete WTF? speed.  There are so many things right now I’d like to do, read a book, watch something decent on tv, no! chant some decent japa,  go for a walk somewhere pretty. Busy is an understatement. However, I’m not getting anything done.  Running to stand still? It’s not just the title of a U2 song.

This Gary Busey pic, makes me happy. Sure, it’s random and unrelated to my post. But that’s okay.

Oh and I think I have managed to do and be that thing that I swore I’d never do. Twitter. Yeah,  I am going to tweet my twatdom. There are slight twinges of shame to admitting this. I have been seduced and left powerless at the altar of oh-my-gosh-everybody is doing it.  I feel…so fallen.

Exeptions Eternally? Absolute None!

In Pants news,  it should be said that there is not a lot of news.

I’ve been busy. My life is a series of tweets and not a fully fledged blog entry.  I did manage to get to the cinema on the weekend to see Where The Wild Things Are, which was fairly lovely.  The wild things were sort of sweet and endearing in their own way.  I was like “Ooh, I want to jump in that big pile of cute beastliness and cuddle too!”

*shifty eyes* I promise, I am not a furry!

I do happen to love the song “All is Love” by Karen O & The Kids that’s on the soundtrack.  It just makes me freaking happy. Although, it makes me do this oddball stream-of-consciousness Dr Bronner’s soap- like  “All is Love/All is Love/All You Need is Love, Love is All You Need/All-One-God-Faith, All-One Or None! All-One!

Speaking of Moral ABCs.  A few weeks ago some nice Mormon boys knocked on my door. They seemed decent enough and not horribly scary so I told them they could come in. They talked a little about their religion and I told them a little about my spiritual practice as a Hare Krishna.  Usually I get accosted by quite preachy missionary types and I find it off-putting and a wee bit arrogant.  These fellows were quite respectful and it was appreciated. I told them they’d be welcome to drop by and say hello at any time, but I had little desire to sign up for a new religious gig.

Fast forward to last week and I get a knock on the door and it was two different missionary types who said that the previous two had sent them. I decided to extend the hospitality and invite these fellows in.  They refused and said they were not allowed to enter a home if a woman  is there on her own.  I told them that it was a bit silly, since they’re a couple of kids and  they don’t look at all menacing.  Then it hit me, they’re worried about women who are home alone with sordid intentions.  Hilarious!  Like that ever happens beyond a crappy pay-per-view video nasty!

Wacky stuff!  Mind you every religious organisation has weird gender stuff that makes me shake my head.

There’s nothing of your love, that I’ll ever miss..

I have a problem with head noise.  It usually manifests itself in some dumb song on constant rotation in the jukebox of my thought-life.  It creeps up on me at the most inopportune times, causing me to be distracted. In fact, it’s at the times when I am supposed to be knuckled down and in concentration mode that the head noise kicks in the most. Unless it’s always there and I just don’t notice it?  Who knows?  Anyway, I digress.  All I know is that I couldn’t get the Squeeze song Black Coffee in Bed out of my head when I needed to.  Guess what?  I don’t even really like the song.

I’ve tried meditation and being all blank of consciousness or whatever it actually is.  I’ve tried to “be here now” and get a load of that mindfulness stuff.  I’ve tried to be Krishna Conscious and chant away the mundane head noise, which is a lovely, worthwhile thing — yet not at all helpful when trying to remember in a pinch a particular theory. I’m not that advanced. When I chant, Krishna doesn’t bestow up on me the answers to examination questions.  I wish He would, but alas, no. That would just be rude and neophyte to ask for, amirite?

On other Pants breaking news fronts. I thought I’d make Their Lordships some nice pumpkin soup. I replaced the Squeeze tune with some Maha-Mantra action and started the prep.  My oven caught on fire. The smoke alarm and my blood pressure went completely bonkers.

I now have a tray full of raw pumpkin on the counter and a reluctance to switch on the stove.

I gave her my heart, she gave me a pen.

I forgot to bring a pen.  Who the hell forgets to bring a pen to an actual writing exam?  So anyway I had to die a little on the inside and ask a someone if I could borrow a spare writing implement.  Maybe this is why I have dubbed myself Pants? Because it reminds me to look down and check that I remembered to put them on before I leave the house.  Occasionally, I am just that forgetful.

On other fronts, I am just loving having Gaura Nitai here.  I am still working on a nice little altar area for them. It’s a bit of a process.  Once I get that all sorted, I may even take some photos. They brighten the mood up in a really nifty way. I wish I had a whole bunch of spiffy spiritual sounding verbiage to offer.  All I can say is that they are just lovely and remarkably merciful.

Huzzah!

Chopper, sic balls!

I guess you could say I am not an animal person.  As a vegetarian, people sort of naturally assume that you’re a total animal person.  Don’t get me wrong, I am all about not eating them, hurting them or making their lives miserable.  It’s just unless they are remarkably cute, I can’t muster any enthusiasm for them. Perhaps, that makes me some sort of vegetarian anomaly?

Anyway, I have two pets and I have great affection for both.  I guess one of my pet peeves [geddit? geddit? arrgh ffffff] is people that take their dogs to public places and don’t keep a responsible eye on them.  While you might think that your huge dog  jumping up on me is cute and adorable, I am absolutely crapping myself.

I mean I get it, you have a dog, it loves you, you love it.  It’s a pretty common experience. Your relationship with Fido is not that out of the ordinary, despite all your transference, projections and yeah ..delusions.

I feel much the same about people that jabber on ad-infinitum about their lovers, we’ve all been there. I know that nobody understands your love, but sheesh.. we’ve all been there, done that and exited out of divorce court with a Judd Nelson Breakfast Club style triumphant, final scene extended fist.  Or maybe not.  But pretty much most of us have been there.  We get it.  People do that with kids too and it doesn’t bother me, a parent is allowed to feel like the fruit of their loins is a special snowflake.  It’s only natural. I can dig it.

Just yeah, don’t expect me to be all giggly and awe-struck when your big bloody dog knocks me over repeatedly at the park. For heaven’s sake you’re terrifying the children and the short of stature!

Oh yeah and remember to clean up your dog poo.

It sure beats life at the Shady Pines.

I had to get a new cell phone yesterday, since the one I had died in a tragic diet coke related incident. I thought I’d do a bit of a switcheroo on the ringtone also, which has resulted in a few missed calls because I’m too busy randomly dancing to my snippet of Empire of the Sun.  My patheticness knows no bounds.

It’s come to my attention that I am possibly a very tragic individual. I seem to constantly have crushes on people. Which sounds all sorts of dodgy since I’m currently well spoken for etc. But, it’s not really all that saucy and seedy sounding. It’s more like I meet people and fall  in non-sexual  *errrherm* love with them. The other day for example, I met a very cool woman, to whom I was like “You’re awesome, I’m awesome,  we sooo should be friends.” and proceeded to get a bit pathetic imagining all the fun things I could do with potential new friend, seeking out veg food, hitting up the goodwill, exchanging mixed cds and all that stuff before we shack in up in old age, Golden Girls style.

I just kind of love everyone right now, I suppose.  Life is really kinda nifty!

Sorry Ted, I was concentrating too hard on looking holy

Well, the death throes from the flu didn’t come.  Praise Be!  After a day cocooned on the sofa, I managed to recover to finish some work. I pulled myself together enough to deal with life, loved ones, stuff and all the boring minutiae that comes with being pants.

I also managed to watch a few films. The Curious Case of Benjamin Button:  Talk about a veritable snorefest. Sometimes I feel like the only heterosexual woman alive that does not get Brad Pitt. I just do not get it. Not that I should or anything right?  because I should strive to be a non-lusty type. Well, I’m trying to work on that.  Anyway, I just found it a totally drag-arse film and I don’t think any amount of cold and flu meds could have made it more enjoyable.  Not that I should be enjoying the ill-effects of  the incredibly rare partaking of cold meds.  *nods* Yeah, I’m working on that too.

Pants: Such a work in progress!

On other fronts, I’m kinda excited to make a revamped altar for Their Lordships.

I know I suck, but I can try to offer Them a bit o’ service. Who knows? maybe by devoting some of myself to serving them, I shall suck less? We can only all hope.

Now, I have a few days free and I’m not on death’s door, I am going to go enjoy this nice weather. Maybe get back to nature a bit. Enjoy the outdoors.